Posted by: cradeanu | June 7, 2020

What relationship asks from us

WHAT A RELATIONSHIP ASKS OF US • A wholesome, serious bond rests on six foundations. These are the vital signs of a relationship, and a regular, careful checkup does a lot to show us the state of health of our union:

Trust: We can trust the other, and we can be trusted.

Intimacy: We maintain a caring connection by giving and receiving the five A’s of intimate love: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.

Commitment: We have made an enduring commitment to one another. This means we do all we can to work out our problems together, to keep our agreements to one another, and to observe the ground rules of our relationship. We are committed to staying with each other through the various phases of life together—unless there is abuse.

Ego-surrender: We continually let go of the part of our ego that becomes caught up in control, entitlement, competitiveness, insistence on being right, refusal to forgive, and retaliation. Our goal in healthy relating is not to gratify a self-centered ego but to build a healthy ego to gratify the relationship.

Physicality: We maintain our erotic connection. This is not the “chemistry” of infatuation, which is temporary. It is the chemistry of ongoing liveliness shown in physical, sexual, and emotional ways as appropriate to the nature of the bond and agreements.

Spiritual practice: Each of us is dedicated to integrity and loving-kindness as a personal spiritual practice that applies to how we behave toward everyone.

These six components are the criteria for successful relating. Each is a gift we can give a partner. Each may evoke fear, because we are being challenged to transcend our ego and give ourselves to another person. We know that means putting our often-wounded, still-vulnerable hearts at risk.

Extracts from How to be and adult in love .

Posted by: cradeanu | May 17, 2020

What happens to the heart

Returning tonight from Warburton, I discovered this song of Leonard Cohen, ‘what happens to the heart

I miss you Leonard your presence and your elegance

“I was always working steady
But I never called it art
I got my shit together
Meeting Christ and reading Marx
It failed, my little fire
But it spread the dying spark
Go tell the young messiah
What happens to the heartThere’s a mist of summer kisses
Where I tried to double-park
The rivalry was vicious
The women were in charge
It was nothing, it was business
But it left an ugly mark
I’ve come here to revisit
What happens to the heartI was selling holy trinkets
I was dressing kind of sharp
Had a pussy in the kitchen
And a panther in the yard
In the prison of the gifted
I was friendly with the guards
So I never had to witness
What happens to the heartI should have seen it coming
After all, I knew the chart
Just to look at her was trouble
It was trouble from the start
Sure, we played a stunning couple
But I never liked the part
It ain’t pretty, it ain’t subtle
What happens to the heartNow the angel’s got a fiddle
The devil’s got a harp
Every soul is like a minnow
Every mind is like a shark
Me, I’ve broken every window
But the house, the house is dark
I care, but very little
What happens to the heartThen I studied with this beggar
He was filthy, he was scarred
By the claws of many women
He had failed to disregard
No fable here, no lesson
No singing meadowlark
Just a filthy beggar guessing
What happens to the heartI was always working steady
But I never called it art
It was just some old convention
Like the horse before the cart
I had no trouble betting
On the flood, against the ark
You see, I knew about the ending
What happens to the heartI was handy with a rifle
My father’s .303
I fought for something final
Not the right to disagree”

Posted by: cradeanu | May 2, 2020

Shivoham shivoham

Nirvana Ashatkamsummarising the Advaita

I am not the mind, the intellect, the ego or the memory,

I am not the ears, the skin, the nose or the eyes,

I am not space, not earth, not fire, water or wind,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,

I am the eternal Shiva…

I am not the breath, nor the five elements,

I am not matter, nor the 5 sheaths of consciousness

Nor am I the speech, the hands, or the feet,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,

I am the eternal Shiva…

There is no like or dislike in me, no greed or delusion,

I know not pride or jealousy,

I have no duty, no desire for wealth, lust or liberation,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,

I am the eternal Shiva…

No virtue or vice, no pleasure or pain,

I need no mantras, no pilgrimage, no scriptures or rituals,

I am not the experienced, nor the experience itself,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,I am the eternal Shiva…

I have no fear of death, no caste or creed

I have no father, no mother, for I was never born,

I am not a relative, nor a friend, nor a teacher nor a student,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,I am the eternal Shiva…

I am devoid of duality, my form is formlessness,

I exist everywhere, pervading all senses,

I am neither attached, neither free nor captive,

I am the form of consciousness and bliss,

I am the eternal Shiva…

Here’s a song for you… Shivoham – Live by Snatam Kaur
https://open.spotify.com/track/1rbIGYHSsu12ha5ukCNFVL?si=Pac5hQF9QKe-sJJCz49k4g

Here’s a song for you… Shiva’s Meditation by Chinmaya Dunster
https://open.spotify.com/track/0TxmxoCQMiXvfFA6DPM1wT?si=0Jx2RuJZRe–SXXvl3rRdw

Posted by: cradeanu | April 29, 2020

caroline myss

i heard of Caroline Myss while attending the online course: The Shadow Course ( on soundtrue.com). i pay my respects to the work she has done in this course.

 

She is such a powerful, confident, mesmerising teacher and speaker . she cuts the bullshit with a very sharp knife.

 

what i learned so far:

  1. exploring Shadow – is about exploring what we dont know about ourselves.
  2. we are the generation of exploration of Inner World.  the Inner Space is as large as the universe and gives us access to a complete new dimension of life.  Its vastness is incomprehensible .

in a time of secclusion , quarantine, lockdown , when travel outwards is not possible , travel inwards is suddenly opened.

3. surrender is associated with the breaking point.

4. there is no such a thing as feeling better.

5. the advice she gives: ‘see your own life in impersonal way’

6. challenge your patterns: because there lies the archetype, with its storylines attached.

 

 

https://www.myss.com/

Caroline Myss - 1440 Multiversity.

 

she reminds me so much of my chemistry teacher dna Belta.

Posted by: cradeanu | April 25, 2020

We are all grieving

Loss of parents, loss of loved ones, loss of touch, loss of love.

We are all grieving

Posted by: cradeanu | April 20, 2020

Dissatisfaction as source of growth

“If we found total satisfaction in childhood, we would have no motivation to reach out to the wider world. The journey of adulthood begins when we leave, as we must, the secure nest provided by father and mother and try to find a partner in the adult world. Without such a need we might be seduced by the comfort of home, isolate ourselves from the larger world, and thus never find our unique place in it. This also explains why no person or thing will ever be enough to satisfy the full breadth of our human potential. Nature cannot afford to lose any of her stewards, so she has calibrated the heart so it is never permanently fulfilled.”

How to be an adult in relationship-david richo

Posted by: cradeanu | April 16, 2020

On grief

“Grief work, with its cathartic experience of feelings, truly and finally bridges this abyss. We accept and forgive ourselves for not being perfect and we make amends where that is appropriate. Then the void becomes just the spaciousness we needed to greet ourselves authentically and to be renewed.

Obsessive … thoughts and repeating your story are perfectly normal and are to be allowed—as the nurturant parent allows the child to tell about her nightmare again and again. All that matters is that you do not act on the feelings or the thoughts by any attempts to hurt yourself or punish the other. Contain the feelings and thoughts within yourself and your own support system.

What works best is to allow every feeling and thought to pass through you as good hikers through the woods: taking nothing away, leaving nothing behind. Make no attempt to think them away, to interpret, or to interrupt them no matter how irrational or inconvenient they may seem. “The only way to live is like the rose: without a Why,” as Meister Eckhart exclaims.”

I’m.stepping into adulthood, and I love it

Posted by: cradeanu | April 16, 2020

Declarations of healthy adult

I accept full responsibility for the shape my life has taken.

I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies, wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts.

I trust that “darkness and upheaval always precede an expansion of consciousness” (Jung).

I let people go away or stay and am still okay.

I accept that I may never feel I am receiving—or have received—all the attention I seek.

I acknowledge that reality is not obligated to me; it remains unaffected by my wishes or rights.

One by one, I drop every expectation of people and things.

I reconcile myself to the limits on others’ giving to me and on my giving to them.

Until I see another’s behavior with compassion, I have not understood it.

I let go of blame, regret, vengeance, and the infantile desire to punish those who hurt or reject me.

When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it.

I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me.

I cherish my own integrity and do not use it as a yardstick for anyone else’s behavior.

I am free to have and entertain any thought. I do not have the right to do whatever I want. I respect the limits of freedom and still act freely.

I overcome the urge to retreat on the brink of discovery.

No one can or needs to bail me out. I am not entitled to be taken care of by anyone or anything.

I give without demanding appreciation though I may always ask for it.

I reject whining and complaining as useless distractions from direct action on or withdrawal from unacceptable situations.

I let go of control without losing control.

Choices and perceptions in my life are flexible, not rigid or absolute.

If people knew me as I really am, they would love me for being human like them.

I drop poses and let my every word and deed reveal what I am really like.

Changes and transitions are more graceful as I cooperate with them.

Every human power is accessible to me.

I live by personal standards and at the same time—in self-forgiveness—I make allowances for my occasional lapses.

I grant myself a margin of error in my work and relationships. I release myself from the pain of having to be right or competent all the time.

I accept that it is normal to feel that I do not always measure up.

I am ultimately adequate to any challenge that comes to me.

My self-acceptance is not complacency since in itself it represents an enormous change.

I am happy as I do what I love and love what is.

Wholehearted engagement with my circumstances releases my irrepressible liveliness.

I love unconditionally and set sane conditions on my self-giving.”

How to be an adult: David richo

Posted by: cradeanu | April 13, 2020

containing our feelings

‘feelings are meant to be expressed of contained. an adult shows feelings and does not use them as pretext to be self-destructive or to hurt others. when someone hurts. angers, or leaves you , allow yourself to feel the pain and talk about it but do not act on the feelings. express every feeling but act on none. you do not go looking for an assurance or a chance to be avenged or a way to manipulate or to alter the outcome. you contain your feelings and take responsability for them as totally yours. someone else has triggered the pain, but is up to you to take care of yourself. ‘

 

best piece of advice i received.

 

‘how to be an adult’

 

Posted by: cradeanu | April 11, 2020

boundaries

‘i love you unconditionally, and i take care of myself by not living with you’.

 

the essential inner core of oneself must remain intact as relationship begin, change or end. the journey never violates our wholeness. when you are clear ablut your personal boundaries, the innate identity that is you is not bestowed by others nor do you let it be plundered by them.

 

david richo- How to be an adult

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